Monday, 14 July 2014

Thankful #2


Even its just a dream. 

Not that I am asking for it. Probably deep down inside there are some regretful wishes. That could not be granted, therefore boxed far away.

My love towards my boyfriend cannot be doubt. That is one thing I want to clarify before I proceed. First love and first relationship is simply not the same. My boyfriend is my first relationship. My first love or crush was of 3 years. Being very naive at that moment, I did a lot of typical girl stuff. Sneaking letters and presents under his table, etc etc. But it was a unrequired one. And it's through those 3 years,I realized he is not as perfect as I thought he would be, to much disappointment. So in my dream, he isn't the actual person I knew. In my dream,he is a guy I expected him to be. My ideal type of guy. And all I wish a guy would be.



I dreamt of he talking to me, something we never did in reality. He still reject me after my confession, (orz) but we talked. Went out. Like good old friends. Maybe that is what I am hoping for past 3 years since i started to crush on him. I felt like i was lighter. 
Much happier.

God is good. 
And for this, I am thankful.

:)



Thursday, 10 July 2014

Fear #1

Do you have fear?
I would like to say no but... 


HELL YAAA!!!

I am afraid of ...

 BUT I DO NOT!! I DON'T CARE IF YOU LOOK LIKE THIS


or THIS







 I JUST WANT TO GET AWAY FROM YOU!!
Sorry I don't find you sexy in anyway at all.


(Bad experience this morning, some over-friendly prehistorical creature climbed up my jeans and onto my hands. I had a heart attack and stand on the toilet bowl, screaming, watching it climbing wall, falling, played run and hide. AND IT'S SO FREAKING HUGE. Can you even pick someone of your own size?!)

My mum sent it to heaven anyway.


> <!!! 

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

Thankful #1


Yesterday's thought has been deep... It got me thinking alot. I felt weak and hopeless, overwhelmed by jealousy. I don't like this feeling but i cannot help myself. Seeing someone is close to you being far more successful, beautiful, loved and appreciated creates that *poof* GReeN Eye MonsTeR. Not that I have always been like this but yesterday has been one of those rare days. Must be the hormones. 

So what is this, Jealousy?
Why is it happening?
How to resolve this?



So I did a little research, on Uncle Google. And I got tips on how to eliminate those thoughts as I hate those feelings *fingers cross* from this website:

http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/9-ways-to-overcome-jealousy/
You can read some more from the website for more details. I just took some main points and link it to my understanding.
  • Fully experience the feeling
To start off this workout, you've got to admit something before you can do any changes for the better. Yes. I hate to say it but I. AM. JEALOUS. damnit. ><
  • Love yourself
Confidence. Love myself. Think what is good in me. Think positive. Do things that make me happy.
  • Stop comparing
I need time to do this >< If I don't have that thing that made me jealous, darn. THEN I BETTER WORK FREAKING HARDER TO ACHIEVE THAT! *roar*I CAN DO THIS!
  • What's threatening you?
I don't know. Status quo? peer pressure? Ego and self esteem. So big for my ego. ><

  •  Write it out 

I actually harassed a very close friend of mine with my issue. Not a very good solution really, as now i realized I might have stressed her out unnecessary.  But the things she says relieved my anxiety, made me feel appreciated and not so useless after all. Ok, credits to you Ivy Choo ;) We made jokes and then it's during this time, I had some self realization. (Have I become demi-god? *gasp*) She had problems and  I had mine. I told her this quote from another good friend of mine, who I no longer interact at freedom but will always cherish the wise words he gave me.

" We all experience challenges in this life because, we made pact with the people, whom made our lives difficult, in the past life. To learn something from them, in any manner of teaching. To be a better person"  (Anas Marz) Thank you :)

I was trying to enlighten her with these words when my action backfired. So you mean I am supposed to learn not to be jealous from this experience? Damn. ORZ You know what I mean? (My beloved friend laughed her head off when I told her my thoughts)
  • Be realistic
Is this person a treat to me in anyway? Definitely no. Hey, I loved her all my life and I still do. Is this jealousy doing me or her or people around me any good? Nope. I felt terrible. If terrible is a good thing. Hence, does it make any sense to remain this childish thoughts? No. OK. 
  • Discover your strength
Ok. Next.
  • Divert the thoughts
Do something else to distract the mind. As it's already 1am  in the morning and I have lecture the next day and  I am exhausted , the next best thing any normal person would do is to hit the sack and sleep. Unless you are a football fan since the Football fever is on. FIFA World cup 2014. Brazil vs Germany (1:7) Too much grieve. I better sleep.
  • Ask ourselves if this is really what we want.
“What we sew is what we reap”
How would she feel if she knew I felt this way? Sad probably? She was kind to share her happiness. I should be kind and share it too. Putting self in one's shoe? Or stockings. How about slippers? Ditto.

So this is my thought of the day. Couldn't blog these thoughts yesterday as wasn't composed enough. But it's good. I felt...



Goodnight ~
XOXO




Tuesday, 8 July 2014

Longing

I am so confused with myself.

You made me feel cool towards you at times, yet drove me crazy and desperate for you at minutes I least expected.
Miss your smell...
Your touch....
Your warmth....
Your kisses and pats on my head...
The hugs you gave me...
      And sometimes, miss your impatience.

I am not a dependant woman...nor a woman who cannot live without a guy...
But as time goes on, you changed me. Better or worse, I cannot tell. Please don't neglect me as I have almost reach to the point of no return. Like a puppy demanding for attention from its owner. Your mere words influence my emotion for the entire day, you just didn't know the impact of your words. I cannot promise I won't be a nuisance, but I will try.

I may not be the prettiest girl, nor as attentive as you wished for. Make me happy and I can promise you will gain far more than you bargain. Tend to my childish behaviour, complains, words of heart. Wipe away my tears. Come to me when I crave for you most.... comfort me... be there for me, my dear.

I love You



Monday, 7 July 2014

First day of school. AFTER 3 YEARS!! WOO!

After so much of headache and road junctions, finally I have make that ultimate decision. 

I AM SO FREAKING GOING TO TAKE THAT DARN DEGREE IN NURSING AND CLAIM MY 1ST CLASS HONOURS!!

I had a hard time deciding between these following prestigious  universities. 
1. IMU
2. MAHSA
3. OUM
4. SEGI
5. LINCOLN
and let's not exclude UM and Assunta. I have a few more choices but too much thoughts 
will confuse me even further.
UM and Assunta are the first to be out of the list as they do not provide such course. (They were on top of my list and I was really disappointed when they told me that over the phone)
Then came the road junctions. Mahsa was the most affordable university among the remaining 4, but that wasn't the main reason why I choose it. 
  1. IMU despite the high cost (est of RM 30, 200), we all knew that it's the best private university with the best qualification that is if we make out of it. Among this university requirement is MUET Band Score of 3. Good side of this institute is it provides total online learning with no posting (time savvy). Learning can be done full or part-time. Course duration: 2-4 years depending on your own initiative of finishing course online. You only need to go there for exams (2 exams/ sem : 1 sem/2 modules) and presentations. It's compulsory to make a payment of RM 40 / semester for Student Counsel. However, the location of this uni itself is far too challenging for me who does not owe any vehicle. >< *bummer* If you have a car and stay in Bukit Jalil area, and you are a smart student, really, this is really not a place you should let go. 
  2. OUM, stands for Open University. Cost is really affordable (est of RM25,714). The difference between this university with others is that it is compulsory to go posting in selected hospital for 964 credit hours. It is assignment and exam based. The classes is every alternate Saturdays. Entry requirement: 3 years of working experience. Posting is really interesting, but that if it weren't for my working office hours, and the inability to accumulate my PH and NO for the posting hours, I would have pick this university
  3. Lincoln. Most convenient as nearest to my house. I couldn't remember the program cost, but it's somewhere close to IMU's. Requirements: 3 years of working experience with STPM minimum CGPA of 2.5. Duration of course :2 years. Reason out of my list is because it doesn't look prestigious enough. And I am very afraid of waiting long Q buses to go to posting areas. Nuff said.
  4. SEGI's course est cost is roughly RM31, 825. Not too far fetch from Mahsa's. Class is every weekend, Saturday and Sunday. Provides part time course and convenient for office hour workers. It is assignment based and teaches on Teaching and Management module. The down part is the need to travel to KL via LRT or car for their classes. ><
Last but not least, MAHSA collaboration with University of Northumbria. ( I am getting tired already from typing such long essay XD) It is assignment based with no posting, and it's classes is 8 days straight, which only occur once every 4 months. Course cost is est of RM 25,700. Requirement is minimum of 2 years of experience. Now this is the best part, low cost, quite near my housing area and it's no posting. Sadly is it only provides wifi access in Level 4 whereby our classes are all in level 2. Nothing can be done I supposed :*

That's all for now. Will continue to post some other day. For opinion seekers in Degree in Nursing, I hope this can more or less help to enlighten you.

Cheers~




First Day in in School. Forgive my dorkiness hehe



XOXO SELFIE♡