Thankful #1

by - July 09, 2014

Yesterday's thought has been deep... It got me thinking alot. I felt weak and hopeless, overwhelmed by jealousy. I don't like this feeling but i cannot help myself. Seeing someone is close to you being far more successful, beautiful, loved and appreciated creates that *poof* GReeN Eye MonsTeR. Not that I have always been like this but yesterday has been one of those rare days. Must be the hormones. 

So what is this, Jealousy?
Why is it happening?
How to resolve this?

So I did a little research, on Uncle Google. And I got tips on how to eliminate those thoughts as I hate those feelings *fingers cross* from this website:
You can read some more from the website for more details. I just took some main points and link it to my understanding.
  • Fully experience the feeling
To start off this workout, you've got to admit something before you can do any changes for the better. Yes. I hate to say it but I. AM. JEALOUS. damnit. ><
  • Love yourself
Confidence. Love myself. Think what is good in me. Think positive. Do things that make me happy.
  • Stop comparing
I need time to do this >< If I don't have that thing that made me jealous, darn. THEN I BETTER WORK FREAKING HARDER TO ACHIEVE THAT! *roar*I CAN DO THIS!
  • What's threatening you?
I don't know. Status quo? peer pressure? Ego and self esteem. So big for my ego. ><

  •  Write it out 

I actually harassed a very close friend of mine with my issue. Not a very good solution really, as now i realized I might have stressed her out unnecessary.  But the things she says relieved my anxiety, made me feel appreciated and not so useless after all. Ok, credits to you Ivy Choo ;) We made jokes and then it's during this time, I had some self realization. (Have I become demi-god? *gasp*) She had problems and  I had mine. I told her this quote from another good friend of mine, who I no longer interact at freedom but will always cherish the wise words he gave me.

" We all experience challenges in this life because, we made pact with the people, whom made our lives difficult, in the past life. To learn something from them, in any manner of teaching. To be a better person"  (Anas Marz) Thank you :)

I was trying to enlighten her with these words when my action backfired. So you mean I am supposed to learn not to be jealous from this experience? Damn. ORZ You know what I mean? (My beloved friend laughed her head off when I told her my thoughts)
  • Be realistic
Is this person a treat to me in anyway? Definitely no. Hey, I loved her all my life and I still do. Is this jealousy doing me or her or people around me any good? Nope. I felt terrible. If terrible is a good thing. Hence, does it make any sense to remain this childish thoughts? No. OK. 
  • Discover your strength
Ok. Next.
  • Divert the thoughts
Do something else to distract the mind. As it's already 1am  in the morning and I have lecture the next day and  I am exhausted , the next best thing any normal person would do is to hit the sack and sleep. Unless you are a football fan since the Football fever is on. FIFA World cup 2014. Brazil vs Germany (1:7) Too much grieve. I better sleep.
  • Ask ourselves if this is really what we want.
“What we sew is what we reap”
How would she feel if she knew I felt this way? Sad probably? She was kind to share her happiness. I should be kind and share it too. Putting self in one's shoe? Or stockings. How about slippers? Ditto.

So this is my thought of the day. Couldn't blog these thoughts yesterday as wasn't composed enough. But it's good. I felt...

Goodnight ~

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