Sunday, 26 October 2014

Thankful #3



Today has been an emotional-draining day.

It has been quite awhile since I felt this low. There were many burdens that hinder my thoughts and my rationality was clouded for that moment. 

I am blogging this because it is what made me today. 
I know I am not prefect but I will learn from this.

My ego-ness was the real factor of today's event. Ever felt that you didn't want to rely on others but could not avoid that because you are incapable to do so? I didn't mean to broke down to tear, not in front of him and certainly not in public but my brains must be wired wrongly today. 

Such shame.

I grew up to be independent, not to seek for help and not to be looked down by others. 
Qualities of an eldest sister? Maybe or maybe not.
I have my flaws as well. 
What made me strong is what made me most vulnerable.

I rather cut back on eating lunches and enjoyments than asking money from my mum or partner.
Although I am not good with roads, I rather do research and take public transport to reach my destination. Even though I know, all I have to do is open my mouth and ask.
But when everything you did was insufficient, it shakes the foundation of your confidence.
The thought of me couldn't even treat him a decent lunch took it's toll on me.

All I did was shade tears and keep mum. And all he can do is stay beside me and wait for me to calm down, for I couldn't not bring myself to express my thoughts. It will only make the rain fall harder.

I am thankful for having an understanding partner. 
Although we have ups and downs, he was there for me nevertheless.

Thanks
I love you.



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